Let it Go

She leaned gently against the door and sighed. It was going to be nice to be outside after being cooped up for so long. She hugged the book in her hand. She just wanted to read and be by herself. She pushed against the door and started walking towards the back door. She put her hand on the handle and felt the coolness of it slightly numb her hands. Shivers of anticipation ran up her spine. She was going to enjoy this. She turned the handle and forced the door open. Sunshine poured in and bathed her body in warmth. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She stopped and just listened. She could her the birds chirping their gay song from the tree tops. They were happy, why couldn’t she be?
She started walking on the driveway and eventually onto the gravel road. She turned to see the apple tree. It’s blossoming flowers looked so delicate. She wandered over and picked one. She held it up to her nose and twirled it as if the very act of twirling would cause it to give out more scent. The soft smell filled her nostrils. She carefully tucked it into the button hole of her corduroy shirt.
She turned to continue her walk. The Weeping Willow tree was in site. She walked gingerly over to it. She hadn’t fully recovered from her illness and so was left with little strength. She had been sick with a very bad case of the flu and it had left her bedridden for almost a week. Now she had finally gotten a chance to get out of the house.
The Willow tree swayed in the wind. It‘s branches like little unbound hair being freely tossed by the wind. She put out her hand to move away the branches so that she could be in the middle surrounded by beauty. It was like her own little room. Surrounded by the long tender branches all around. She walked around the trunk her hand tracing its grooves. She stopped after she had gone around once. She looked around her, past the willow tree. Was this her home? Was this where she wanted to be? After her family died she had gone and lived with some friends. They were very dear to her, there’s no doubt about that, but lately she had been feeling like there was a hole growing in her heart. What was it? She knew that her family was in Heaven. She knew that her Heavenly Father was caring for them, and she knew that they were in place that was perfect and that they had perfect heavenly bodies now. No more pain. But why then did she feel the hole getting bigger? Why had her family died in the car crash and not her?
As her thoughts wandered the wind picked up suddenly. A piece of her hair came free from the tight bun she had it in. Her hand automatically went up to stop it. She took the bobby pin out and readjusted it so that the hair was back in place. She didn’t want her hair blowing all over the place. No. It was supposed to stay where it was. The wind blew harder, more of her hair blew free. She put her book down and was now trying very hard to get her long jet black hair back in place. Then, on the wind, she could almost her the someone whisper her name. She stopped. There it was again but this time it was a little different. She turned. She didn’t see anybody around. Something began to tug at her heart. Let it go the wind said. The tugging was harder now. What was going on? Let go of what? The wind picked up and more of her hair was free. Let it go Child. “I don’t understand” she thought. Then it hit her. Maybe it was her hair? She had kept it up and tight for so long she didn’t remember the last time she had let it down. But why let my hair go? The wind blew harder. Lord why must I let my hair down? She knew. Ever since her family died had decided that she wouldn’t let her hair down because it would remind her of them and how they liked it when she let it down. No. She wasn’t going to do that. It was the last thing she had to remind her of them. Why would she let that go? All of a sudden it was like somebody had stuck a needle in her vein and had injected a spark of energy. She needed to get someplace high, off the ground. She looked around. The grain bin would work she thought. She took of her shoes and the shawl that was keeping her warm. She didn’t need those flying away. She ran over to it and started climbing up the ladder. She finally got to the top and leaned over the railing. Let it go, It came again. She felt the tugging again. The one thing that she could keep to herself and help her remember her parents was her hair. Somehow keeping it up and back was her way of keeping it for her parents.
Let it go Child.
“Father! You took everything else away from me. My family, my house, the life that I knew. Why do you have to have this? Haven’t I given you enough?” She prayed out loud.
I must have all of you Child. Her heart throbbed and it felt like it would break. “Please Lord. No.”
When you are weak then you are strong my Child.
Her legs grew week and she knelt on the stairs. She knew she had to give Him everything. Even her hair. She had hardened her heart to Christ and she felt like she had to have at least one thing she could keep for herself. But she knew that it was the only way for her to have complete peace. He knew what He was asking for. He would protect and comfort her.
She slowly stood and started taking the bobby pins from her hair. Piece by piece her hair fell. Soon it was all down. Her waist length hair blowing in the hair.
Very good my Child.
Tears started streaming down her face. She had given Him everything. What was she going to get in return? She started to pray out loud.
“Lord Jesus my Savior. You have taken my family, my life, and everything that I have ever known. I pray that you would forgive me for being stubborn and keeping this one thing for myself. I know that I am wholly yours. I pray that you would comfort me as a Father comforts his child. Lord I have no one to go to. Please, give me peace.” She murmured between sobs.
Suddenly peace washed over her and settled in her heart like somebody had thrown a bucket of water on her. The tears still rained down. “Thank you Lord.” She felt complete. She felt comfort. It was the first time in a long time she had felt happy.
She ran her fingers through her hair. It sure did feel good! She spread out her arms and just let the wind wash over her. Is this what birds feel like when they fly? It was beautiful. Why had she been so stubborn?
Her tears started to subside. The wind started to die down, her skirts fluttered gently beneath her. She turned and started the climb down, being careful not to trip on her skirt.
Once she reached the bottom she had a strength she’d never felt before. She felt strong. Content. She returned to the willow tree and retrieved her things.
“Lord I thank You for this day and for Your grace to me a sinner.” She smiled and looked up to the sky. She stood there and just let the sun bathe her in warmth. She was truly happy. She had given everything to Christ, even right down to her hair. She put her shawl back on and tucked the book underneath her arm and started for the house with a spring in her step. She passed the apple tree and entered the house. This would be a shock for her friends.
She entered the kitchen. The mother stopped kneading her dough and looked up. A gentle expression on her face, she smiled.
“Kristen, you look beautiful with your hair down.” She said whipping her hands on her apron. It was like she could see straight into me.
“Thank you,” She hesitated. “Mom.”
She looked up and stared straight into the Claire’s eyes.
“Is that all right if I call you that?” Kristen hesitated.
“Oh, Yes dear!” Claire hugged her.
She felt love. These were no longer her friends, they were her family. HER family.
Thank you Lord! She prayed silently.
“Shall I go get my brothers and sisters for supper Mom?” Kristen said with gentle confidence.
“Yes, go get your siblings.” Claire answered and returned to her dough.
Kristen walked away with an extra bounce in her step and a smile on her face. How good the Lord was to her! She stepped outside and went in search for her family. Yes. Family.

For when I am weak, Then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10

I Surrender All

Text: J.W. Van Deventer
Music: W.S. Weeden

1. All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

2. All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)

3. All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)

4. All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)

5. All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)